So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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