Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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