hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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