Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
