I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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