Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
