I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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