With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
