just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
