I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
