You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
