haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
