im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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