Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there was a trapeze. enough said
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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