If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
