Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
