there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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