I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
