"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
