I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Send help, water and tortillas.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
