I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
