First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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