My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
