Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
