never play flip cup with pint glasses
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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