tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
