I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
