Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
