She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
