FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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