I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
