You just made me feel so damn special
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
