I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
