But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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