Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize