I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
