I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
