I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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