you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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