Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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