The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
