Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
