apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize