shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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