He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
