So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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