Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
