so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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