It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
