Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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