i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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