His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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