I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
