my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
