): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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