Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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