So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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