i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
