Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
