So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize