me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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