if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We left an ass print on the piano.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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