But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I know her cup size but not her name....
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