Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
