just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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