i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize