seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
