I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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