I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
